Can someone please pass me a trout to slap whoever invented these so called ‘Celebrity Mom of the Year’ awards? Personally I’m sick of these so called “awards” handed out to ‘celebrities’ for being the ‘perfect mum’.

What are these supposed to achieve? Is it supposed to make me feel inspired, me a “normal” mother or are they just a pointless invention by bored pencil pushers to make us feel pretty inadequate? Somehow, I chose the latter.

Whoopee, for Jessica Alba & Jennifer Lopez for losing their baby weight after an hour of giving birth!

Hooray for Katie Holmes, Nicole Ritchie and Victoria Beckham for raising their superstar profile and get their face plastered with baby on hand on the front of Hello magazine. I’m sorry but I don’t think us “normal” mothers can compete with that.

So how can I gain the celebrity mum status? How can I possibly bring sexy back?

Firstly, I think I need a personal chef, about ten nannies, and a huge wad of money in the bank. To be honest, all of us can achieve the sexy mum image, only if I had a team of beauticians, hairdressers, stylists and a personal trainer to show me the ropes of achieving size zero, and so much money that I really needn’t have to work at all!

Unfortunately, believe it or not my life is not like that.

I wake up at 6.00 in the morning wrapped up in my fluffy dressing gown that my husband refers to as the ‘baby seal outfit’ (and no I’m not going to post a photo!). My 11 month old son usually screams his demands to be let out of his cot. I suddenly morph into Sgt.Hartman in order to wake my other two up to go to school, I empty the dishwasher, I put the washing in, I have a shower, I feed the baby and by the end of it I’m usually wearing the stuff from head to toe. After all this, and if I’m really lucky I get 5 minutes to do my hair and put some make up on, probably skipping breakfast and then out the door to walk the kids to school. Not exactly the celebrity lifestyle is it?

So I’m confused? What really do these ‘celebrities’ do to be awarded the ‘Celebrity Mom of the Year’ title (and I use the term loosely)? What is it actually that they have achieved?

I seemed to have found the answer:

‘Jennifer Lopez has been named Celebrity Mom of the Year. The ‘Monster-in-Law’ star was given the honor by New York’s Mingling Moms organization, after giving birth to twins Max and Emme – her first children with husband Marc Anthony – in February.

The organization decided to reward to 38-year-old Jennifer after it was revealed she had given birth at a hospital in Long Island, New York and is intending to raise the twins in the local neighborhood.’

Well, I guess that explains it all. And here was I thinking that it was something to do with hard work, discipline, education, unconditional love, respect, consistency and support. Quick! Give that girl a medal!